I don´t know about you but I can relate to many of these:
Before you marry Mr Right be sure that his first name isn´t Always.
If at first you don´t succeed, do it the way your wife told you to.
Men are like chocolates. Wait too long and only the weird or nutty ones are left.
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
Chocolate will make your clothes shrink.
If God had wanted me to touch my toes, he´d have put them on my knees.
If crafts became illegal my house would be the tidiest in the world.
See any dust? Then I´ll give you a duster.
Never make the same mistake twice or you´ll never get round to all of them.
Of course I don´t look busy. I did it right first time.
A perfect summer day is when the sun´s shining, the birds are singing and the lawnmower is broken.
The above is a picture I stitched for a friend. If you´d like the rusty clip I used, you´ll find it and some other pretty shabby freebies HERE.
PS This is more a definition than a saying but I couldn´t resist including it: onomatopoeia – first sign of a weak bladder.